she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
