If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
