Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
