Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
