This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
