You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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