And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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