I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
