i'm signing you up for texting rehab
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
