definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
