just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
