I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
