i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
