Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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