just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
