I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
