can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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