Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
