god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
