my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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