She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We are all done wearing pants today
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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