Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
