he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
