He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
