video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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