you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
