Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
