i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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