you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
