we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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