im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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