1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this will be a night to untag.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
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