i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
