the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
