4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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