you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
