Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
