were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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