I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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