Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
