DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
