ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
