i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
