You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
