OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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