Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
