Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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