I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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