I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
