Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
