is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
