yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
