Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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