Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
