I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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