All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
