I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
